


Years

by stateofdreamin



Series: fics inspired by songs [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Read at Your Own Risk, SO SAD, This is sad guys, i know jj wouldn’t do this i’m just in a mood tonight guys, not happy at all, will and garcia are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29257614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stateofdreamin/pseuds/stateofdreamin
Summary: When you meet someone who has someoneIs it your fault if you fall in love?
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Series: fics inspired by songs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1258616
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Years

**Author's Note:**

> heyy besties, pls don’t yell at me :(   
> i know jj would never do this at all, it’s ooc for her but this song makes me think of them and i’m in a Mood tonight so here’s this.
> 
> it’s unbetaed so there might be some mistakes in there 
> 
> (the song is Years by Astrid S)

Emily knows it’s a mistake. She knows it’s a really, really bad idea. But even though her mind keeps telling her to stop, to move on and find someone else, find someone  _ available _ , she can’t. Now that she knows what it’s like to have the girl of her dreams in her arms, what it’s like to kiss her, she doesn’t want to throw it away.

The feeling of what having the girl she had been pining over right next to her is overpowering the pain and shame she feels when she sees her with her boyfriend the next day. It hurt. It hurt a lot, but all those bad feelings washes away the second JJ kisses her senseless and moves her hands under Emily’s shirt. 

Words like “we shouldn’t do this” and “this is a bad idea” means nothing to her in those moments, cause when she looks up at those blue eyes all she could think is, “she chose to be with  _ me  _ right now, not him”.

It was doomed from the beginning, the relationship, she knows that. She knows that things like this rarely ends well for the third party and that her heart is inevitably going to be broken, but she can’t bring herself to care. Not now. Not when she has  _ her. _

Emily tried to stay away from her in the beginning, tried to ignore the glances that were thrown her way, tried to avoid girl’s nights as much as she could. It wasn’t easy when Penelope was involved, the technical analyst could be very persuasive. The point is that she tried. She tried so hard she pushed her to another person. 

In hindsight she regrets doing that. She imagines how what they were probably wouldn’t be a secret if Will wasn’t in the picture, and maybe she could’ve had JJ for herself. It’s too late now, though, so she settles for what she can have. Even if it’s just sex when it’s needed.

She guesses she can’t really call it a relationship at all. There are no dates, no anniversaries, no “I love you’s” are outright said. No one knows except for them. It’s like they’re in their own little bubble when they’re together alone, and she hates it. 

No one really gets to her the way JJ does, and she suspects it’s one of the reasons she hasn’t stopped yet. JJ can read her so well it scares her sometimes, she knows what Emily needs when she needs it even if she tries to hide it. But it also makes her feel good, loved even. 

She asked JJ once, when they were both tipsy off of expensive wine, if maybe JJ had feelings for her.  _ Real  _ feelings. 

“I do”, JJ had said, looking down at her hands.

“Then why can’t we be together?”.

“It’s complicated, Emily”.

“How?”.

“It just is”.

There was a silence.

“Are you ashamed of this?”, Emily asked. “Of us?”.

“Oh my god Emily,  _ no”,  _ JJ had been looking at her then, and even though Emily was a profiler who was trained to read people, she wasn’t sure if she believed JJ. 

“I could never be ashamed of us, please believe that.”

And then JJ kissed her.

Emily wanted to ask her more questions. She wanted to know why she can’t just dump Will and be with her, why they have to be a secret. But when those soft lips met hers, the questions washed away and all she can think about is JJ.

And so the nights continue to come and go, where JJ is sleeping next to her. And even though Emily knows that the blonde shouldn’t be there, that’s Emily should tell her to leave, she can’t bring herself to do it. Because JJ is all curled up against her side, and Emily can feel her lovers calm breath against her collarbone, and it’s all she ever wanted. To have JJ like this, in moments where their guards are all the way down. 

She loves JJ, she knows that. Anything JJ wanted, Emily would do it in a heartbeat. She’s doing this for herself and her own selfish reasons, yes, but she thinks she does it for JJ too. Maybe she needs this too.

Emily knows it’s gonna take her years to get over JJ when this inevitably ends, she knows that the younger agent fully has her heart and that she’s not getting it back anytime soon. Even though she knows it’ll hurt like a bitch later, she wants to continue this until JJ has had enough of keeping secrets.

She wishes, selfishly, that when JJ does realize this, she’ll pick Emily over Will. She knows it won’t happen, that JJ most likely will pick her boyfriend, but it doesn’t stop her from hoping.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated <3


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